Welcome back Sis. Today, in a deeply personal and candid conversation, I, Nayome Gilliard, the founder, sat down with my partner, Brittani, to peel back the layers of our individual and shared mental health journeys. As Mental Health Awareness Month continues, we wanted to share our stories – the moments of awakening, the daunting first steps, and the ongoing process of prioritizing our well-being.

For Brittani, the realization that her mental health needed attention came a few years into our relationship. “I saw how much I was always angry, upset,” she shared. “I had a lot of negative emotions and thoughts… I think being in a relationship with someone and having to work together, exist together, can show you your strengths. It also shows you your weaknesses.” Witnessing the impact of her anger and agitation on our relationship and her children became a powerful catalyst for change.

My own awakening was far more tumultuous. It was the devastating loss of my brother, Jordan, to suicide that initially shook my foundation. However, the journey to seeking help wasn’t immediate or straightforward. It involved a personal “mental break” – a stark realization that I couldn’t continue as I was. I remember even discussing with Brittani the importance of being in a good mental space before starting a family, yet the true urgency didn’t hit until that critical point.

Reflecting on our upbringings, a common thread emerged: a significant lack of open dialogue and positive examples of mental wellness. For Brittani, mental health was largely invisible within her immediate family. The only glimpses she had were through her mother’s negative remarks about her father’s side of the family, labeling them as “not normal.” Violence and verbal abuse were normalized ways of handling conflict, leaving no room for understanding or seeking mental support.

My experience mirrored this lack of positive models. Growing up with a single mother facing immense pressures, instability and abuse became a twisted form of normalcy. I vividly recall an incident where my mother physically hurt me and then spoke of paranoid delusions – a memory that, at the time, didn’t even register as alarming. “That’s how normal it was,” I explained. “I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t worried. I was just like, here she goes again.”

It’s unsettling to recognize how easily we normalized what was clearly unhealthy. It wasn’t until our relationship deepened and we created a space somewhat removed from our families of origin that we truly began to see the extent of these ingrained patterns. The initial years of our relationship were marked by frequent arguments and unhealthy conflict resolution, forcing us to confront the roots of these behaviors.

Interestingly, we both acknowledged the profound impact of Jordan’s death as a significant catalyst. For me, it was the direct trigger for my mental health crisis. For Brittani, witnessing my subsequent journey through hospitalization and recovery was the impetus for her own brave decision to seek help. As I spiraled in the aftermath of loss, it inevitably affected Brittani, though my own struggle initially blinded me to the extent of her pain. It took time and growth to truly understand the interconnectedness of our well-being.

When it came to taking those crucial first steps, our experiences diverged. For Brittani, the most daunting yet ultimately empowering decision was to admit herself into a mental health facility. “It was actually really difficult to just take the first steps, the initiative to just walk into the hospital,” she shared. However, witnessing the positive transformation I underwent after my own hospitalization gave her the courage to seek similar support. Her experience in the hospital, though initially uncertain, proved to be a surprisingly peaceful and restful environment that allowed for crucial self-reflection.

My first step was, tragically, the aftermath of a suicide attempt, leading to my own hospitalization. The most daunting aspect for me was being in the hospital itself.

Our conversation highlighted that there’s no one “right” way to begin a mental health journey. What matters is taking that initial step, however it manifests. It requires courage to confront our vulnerabilities and challenge the ingrained norms that may have kept us silent for so long.

This Mental Health Awareness Month, we want to echo the sentiment of our Instagram post: be unapologetic about your mental health journey. Your healing, your peace, your progress are valid and deserve to be prioritized without shame or guilt.

Our stories are still unfolding, and this conversation is just one part of a larger dialogue we aim to have here at Her Melanated Mind. We hope that by sharing our experiences, we can encourage you to reflect on your own journey and to take those courageous first steps, unapologetically.

What were the moments that sparked your awareness? What have been your most daunting first steps? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Hear the full discussion on our podcast.