Hey, Sisters!

This week, we’re diving into a topic that might just prickle a bit, one that often sits uncomfortably in the back of our minds. Why the discomfort? Because as Black women, we’re often conditioned by the world to be the ultimate “yes-women” – always compliant, endlessly pliable, perpetually flexible. This narrative feeds directly into the “Superwoman” archetype, painting us as endlessly strong. But here’s the truth the world often conveniently forgets: we are human. We have emotions. We have limitations.

And that, my dear Sisters, is precisely why this week is dedicated to mastering the art of saying NO!

Saying “no” isn’t just about uttering a two-letter word. It’s a profound act of resilience. It’s a powerful declaration that screams, “I am a human being with limitations, and my peace and comfort matter!” While embracing “no” is a vital act for your mental well-being and an indispensable tool for setting boundaries, it’s rarely an innate response. It’s a skill we cultivate.

So, let’s walk through some exercises to help you master this transformative art.

Phase 1: The Crawl – Practice Saying ‘No’ in the Mirror

You know the saying: “Crawl, walk, run.” That’s exactly our strategy here. We’re starting in the crawl phase because, let’s be honest, telling someone “no” can feel incredibly uncomfortable at first.

To ease into it, find a mirror. Think of a hypothetical situation, or even a real past scenario, where you wish you’d said no. Now, look yourself in the eye and say it: “No.”

How does it feel? Is there discomfort? Let’s unpack that.

• Why does this feel uncomfortable?
• Does it feel genuinely wrong, or just unusual and unfamiliar?
• What’s the absolute worst outcome you can imagine from saying no in that situation?
• Conversely, what’s the best possible outcome?

Sit with these thoughts and feelings. Allow yourself to sort through the discomfort. This private practice is where you build your foundational strength.

Phase 2: The Walk – Say ‘No’ to a Stranger

Feeling a bit more grounded? Good. Now that we’ve mastered crawling, we’re ready to walk. The idea of saying “no” might still seem daunting, but what if the stakes are low? What if you say it to people you’ll likely never see again?

Opportunities for this are everywhere:

• A canvasser asking for “just a moment” of your time.
• A server or store associate trying to upsell you.
• That persistent kiosk salesperson at the mall is eager to spend 30 minutes convincing you to buy a salt lamp you definitely don’t want.

Just like we practiced, say it with me: “No.” You can soften it with a polite, “No, thank you.” And here’s the liberating part: you don’t owe anyone an elaborate explanation. A simple “no” is a complete sentence.

Phase 3: The Run – Say ‘No’ to Someone You Interact with Regularly

Alright, Sis, it’s time to pick up the pace. We’re now in the run phase, and trust me, you’ve got this.

This is where the real growth happens – saying “no” to a family member, a partner, a friend, or even a coworker. It might still feel challenging, but it’s vital for protecting your peace and mental well-being. You’ve practiced in the mirror. You’ve said no to strangers, and guess what? The world didn’t end.

So, what really is the worst that could happen if you say no to picking up that extra shift when you’re already teetering on burnout? Or if you decline that request for financial support from a family member when you’re stretched thin?

Try it. Observe their response. I can almost guarantee the scenario you’ve built up in your head is far more dramatic than their actual reaction will be. Often, people respect clear boundaries more than we give them credit for.

Embrace the Journey, Sis

Listen, I’m not going to tell you that the beginning of this journey—learning to say no and set firm boundaries—is going to be easy. It’s not. It will push you out of your comfort zone. But this practice isn’t just beneficial; it’s necessary.

And I promise you, as time goes by, as you continue to stand firm in your truth and truly learn your own boundaries and limitations, saying “no” will become second nature. It will feel less like a confrontation and more like an act of self-love.

So now, I’m challenging you: practice saying ‘no’ this week. Intentionally look for opportunities, big or small. Then, come back here and leave a comment. Share your experiences, your triumphs, even your stumbles. Let’s support each other on this empowering journey.

We’re in this together.